The Lay of Old Tom Troll

Introduction: This is one of Therrilliar's most comical songs which was written after hunting Rock Trolls for a few hours too many.

 

Old Tom troll was a grumpy ole chap
who'd flee his home lookin for a scrap
and why, you ask, did he run away?
well that, of course, is the point of this lay
He'd flee his homely trap
Almost ev'ry day

So old Tom troll, he of rocky gray skin
was in a foul mood e'en just to begin
an' when he come to his stompin ground
well what do you think there he found?
who was there a-huntin'
and snoopin' around?

Why there was humans and dwarves and elves
rootin' around as if it pleased themselves
so old Tom troll he bellows and moans
and the ground it trembles and bucks and groans
for in Tom's yells
is his power shown

An' old Tom troll makes them really mad
and when they stand back up they hurt him bad
and as poor ole Tom is about to be killed
he gets a look on his face as if he's suddenly thrilled
Why's he so glad
lyin' in that field?

"What's this foul troll?" says the dwarf with an axe
"as we make to kill you, you seem to relax?"
The human says "maybe he's got a curse"
and the Elf says "or maybe he's got worse"
"Tell us the facts"
"if we spare ye first"

An' old Tom troll he starts to laugh
til the hunters begin to think him daft
"If ye want to solve this mystery"
"ye have only to come back home with me"
"Ware not my craft"
"I shall use no trickery"

An' old Tom troll he leads them home
past the lands where the hunters roam
Til they reach the place where Tom abides
and ole Tom points to his seven brides
"There now I have shown"
"what I promised to confide"

An' the hunters nod, and pat Tom's back
cause while beauty is something all Trolls lack
well, these seven brides would make a grendel run
and their tempers matched their looks...what fun!
and the brides attack
Tom and hunters as one

So old Tom troll and the hunters fled
and they all agreed he was better off dead
an' ole Tom thanks them with a wink
and with an axe blow does the poor troll sink
for he loses his head
which never much did think

Now old Tom troll lies happy and pleased
Sure he's dead, but his burden's eased
And if you wonder why Rock Trolls rant
its their wives as make them yell and chant
their misery never ceased
and divorce them they can't

So......
When ye next hunt trolls remember old Tom
and don't think by killin' em yer doin' wrong
cause if the plain truth be told
death to them's worth more than gold
and so ends this song
of Tom the Old

 

Script [may be used by any bard as long as Therrilliar is credited]

#Song-Lay of Old Tom Troll

put say Here's the Lay of Old Tom Troll made up by Therrilliar d'Onlor

pause 5

put sing Old Tom troll was a grumpy ole chap;who'd flee his home lookin for a scrap;and why, you ask, did he run away?;well that, of course, is the point of this lay;He'd flee his homely trap;Almost ev'ry day

pause 24

put sing So old Tom troll, he of rocky gray skin;was in a foul mood e'en just to begin;an' when he come to his stompin ground;well what do you think there he found?;who was there a-huntin';and snoopin' around?

pause 24

put sing Why there was humans and dwarves and elves;rootin' around as if it pleased themselves;so old Tom troll he bellows and moans;and the ground it trembles and bucks and groans;for in Tom's yells;is his power shown

pause 24

put sing An' old Tom troll makes them really mad;and when they stand back up they hurt him bad;and as poor ole Tom is about to be killed;he gets a look on his face as if he's suddenly thrilled;Why's he so glad;lyin' in that field?

pause 24

put sing "What's this foul troll?" says the dwarf with an axe;"as we make to kill you, you seem to relax?";The human says "maybe he's got a curse";and the Elf says "or maybe he's got worse";"Tell us the facts";"if we spare ye first"

pause 24

put sing An' old Tom troll he starts to laugh;til the hunters begin to think him daft;"If ye want to solve this mystery";"ye have only to come back home with me";"Ware not my craft";"I shall use no trickery"

pause 24

put sing An' old Tom troll he leads them home;past the lands where the hunters roam;Til they reach the place where Tom abides;and ole Tom points to his seven brides;"There now I have shown";"what I promised to confide"

pause 24

put sing An' the hunters nod, and pat Tom's back;cause while beauty is something all Trolls lack;well, these seven brides would make a grendel run;and their tempers matched their looks...what fun!;and the brides attack;Tom and hunters as one

pause 24

put sing So old Tom troll and the hunters fled;and they all agreed he was better off dead;an' ole Tom thanks them with a wink;and with an axe blow does the poor troll sink;for he loses his head;which never much did think

pause 24

put sing Now old Tom troll lies happy and pleased;Sure he's dead, but his burden's eased;And if you wonder why Rock Trolls rant;its their wives as make them yell and chant;their misery never ceased;and divorce them they can't

pause 24

put sing So......;When ye next hunt trolls remember old Tom;and don't think by killin' em yer doin' wrong;cause if the plain truth be told;death to them's worth more than gold;and so ends this song;of Tom the Old

 

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